Let Go
by MG12CSI16
Summary: And with tears in her eyes she bids him a goodbye, because that's all they have left between each other.


Another post Finale story with a twist. I honestly have no idea where this came from, I normally don't write things like this at all. But hey, it might be good! Also I promise I'm working on my other story, I just have a little bit of writers block.

As always reviews are welcome, and hopefully you enjoy this.

Slight spoilers for 9x24 'Till Death Do Us Part'

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

**Let Go**

It was always a possibility, Ziva knew that better than anybody. It could happen at any moment, but she still didn't see it coming. She knew Tony didn't either, the ever cocky man who refused to look ahead in life, choosing instead to focus on the right here, right now. She knew it was going to happen, but it still scared the shit out of her when it did.

_But you're not thinking about tomorrow, because you're the same as me._

(xx)

She shouldn't really be surprised, she supposed. After all, a bomb threat was not the kind of thing to take lightly. She was probably crazy to think they would even get out of there unharmed, because in all her years as an NCIS agent and even before, she learned that pain and sacrifice was part of life. And even she wasn't exempt from that. And neither was Tony.

(xx)

As a child she experienced loss so great, a mother, a sister, friends, even her own innocence. Her father looked down on her to be like him, feel nothing and sever ties with those that hold you down. She learned to kill, forgot how to feel and was forced to hold her head high in the face of tragedy.

A knife was placed in her hands at the tender age of twelve, followed by a gun and eventually anything that got the job done. Blood would stain her clothes and she would aimlessly toss them away before grabbing fresh ones, ignoring the lives that stained her hands red, the warm sticky substance nothing more than an inconvienence.

(xx)

_And all the roads that lead you there were winding, and all the lights that light the way are blinding_

(xx)

Now the sticky red substance meant something entirely different. It mattered. It meant he was dying, Tony that is, as her hands pressed forcefully down on the wound. He would hiss in pain and grit his teeth against the force of her trembling hands, but he never complained to her. She banged helplessly on the metal walls and screamed until her voice gave out. Nobody came.

Finally she collapsed back onto the floor and held his head in her lap. The blood stained the corners of his mouth when he coughed and each time he tried to speak.

"It was fun, wasn't it Zi?" She sniffed loudly and shook her head, reaching up to wipe her tears until she saw the red stains on her hands.

"Was implies that it is over Tony." Ziva watched him scowl and gently ran her fingers through his hair. Slowly the rise and fall of his chest eased until she had to actually feel for a pulse. he was still alive.

_I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through, I've never been perfect but neither have you._

(xx)

As she watches him slowly bleed out some more she's transported back to her apartment where she ran inside ready to protect him, until she sees Michael laying beside him with three holes torn through his chest and her will to save him seems to diminish.

Back in Israel she doesn't even flinch at the sound of his body smacking against the pavement, she pulls out the gun anyways and her voice is full of venom as she spits threats and demeaning words at him. He just stares up at her and ignores the fire in her eyes, because he always loved her even when she absolutely hated him.

(xx)

In Somalia she yearned for nothing more than his touch, his caress and his voice. She would fall to her knees and beg for forgiveness if it meant he would come for her. And he did.

He was bruised and broken, but he never gave up on her. He and Mcgee had a plan and it worked. She found herslef back at NCIS being swallowed by Abby's embrace while trying to avoid Tony's gaze. There was something different now, and the tension proved to rise fast. Somalia was now a memory but she couldn't shake the feelings of regret and guilt.

(xx)

_It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care_

(xx)

She remembers following him into the bathroom and soon she found herself pouring her heart out.

_"You have always had my back."_

She remembers the taste of his skin after gently kissing his cheek. And just like clockwork she reaches down and kisses his cheek again. She hears him let out a deep breath and all at once his body stills. Even more than before.

A sound that somewhat resembled a sob and a scream escpaed her body and resonated through the tiny space. She draped her body over his and gently rocked the both of them back and forth.

That's how Gibbs found them, his aged face decorated with cuts and burns as he watched the two of them. He finally realized what happened when Ziva looked up and he saw her tears. Slowly he lowered himself to the ground and they both cried, over a lost soul taken by a selfish act.

_I saw the end before we had begun_

(xx)

It was true, that she knew the end would come, but they were supposed to have more time. Now instead, she was standing at his funeral with a program clenched in her fist. His picture was on the front with that infamous DiNozzo grin looking back at her.

She had imagined a white wedding, she didn't know why the thought just always seemed to wander through her mind. She imagined a little girl with dark brown curls and emerald green eyes, chubby arms outstretched and a huge grin on her face. Becuase Tony would have done anything for his daughter.

(xx)

Life had funny ways of working though, and now she was sitting alone on her bed, hugging Tony's picture, imagining a life she would never have.

And maybe that's why she was so mad, because she had worked so hard to become a better person, but her efforts are overlooked. And maybe that's why she doesn't seem to notice that she's lying on the floor with the blood rapidly pooling around her, the bullet resting somewhere inside her body as the pain slowly ebbs away. Her vision blurs and her team mates screams are muffled

She can hear Tony's voice in her ear, clear as day, beckoning her towards him and suddenly she can see him standing in front of her and she knows it's all over. She could finally let go.

* * *

A/N: If you're reading this it means you read the whole story, so thanks. Here are all the songs used.

Black Balloon- Foo Fighters

Wonderwall- Oasis

Leave Out All The Rest- Linkin Park

Goobye My Lover- James Blunt


End file.
